Showdown: Thursday at Noon

I received news this week that I start chemotherapy at noon on Thursday, November 21st; almost 3 months since this whole fiasco began.

Jen and Carolyn are the first to receive VIP backstage passes.  They will accompany me on the inaugural visit!  Rock Tshirts are the mandatory dress code

I won't go into detail about the scheduling nightmare I experienced this week or my nurse with a personality of sandpaper (and I was told I am stuck with her so learn to play nice) Essentially the problem is that I have learned that cancer is treated in Ottawa on Tuesdays and Thursdays (Note the sarcasm) and I had three very important appointments booked with a couple of  hours of one another at two different hospitals.  And the first one required sedation!

Finally I believe I have the issue resolved and now it stands I am going back to school; Chemo school on Monday at the Queensway Carleton. I will have a port inserted Tuesday at the Civic and afterwards, I go the General to wait, in hopes that my Oncologist can squeeze me in between appointments. And back at the Queensway for the big day because there is no room at the inn at the General.

I wasn't a happy camper but I guess part of the lesson I need to learn will be to have patience, be flexible and stay on top of things.

Yesterday was my ECG and guess what?  I have a heart!  No it isn't black and it didn't take an hour to find.

Social media makes it easier to send friends updates on any new information or events.  I updated my Facebook status to notify my friends that Thursday is the big day.  I was overwhelmed by all the positive thoughts, messages and offers to help. 

To be honest, I have days now and then when I have the case of the "WHY MEs?"  It happened after I first told and last week again.  I have told there will be more days like that ahead of me.  I always considered myself a good person who tries to be nice to everyone, feel that I have a deeper sense of spirituality than most, volunteer in my community...So what did I do to deserve this?  But I realized once again yesterday when so many people reached out to me that I am lucky and blessed.  I have so many offers to come with me for treatments, that I had to turn people down for this time around.  My freezer is already stocked with food and offers from others.  Friends have invited me to stay with them during treatments.  Even people I would consider more of "acquaintances" have provided their numbers with offers to chauffeur me to appointments, run errands or just talk.

It took a while to allow people to help me.  I am very stubborn and independent but there comes a point where you need to let people into your life who want to help.  I have equated the feeling to swimming lessons.  When you first try to float on your back it is very difficult.  Your muscles tense and you start to sink.  You need learn to relax and let go.  Often your instructor ill still have her hands under your back for support and keep you above water.  Eventually, when you are ready; she moves her hands away and you can float in the water on your own.

There are so many people who have to endure an illness alone and I can't even begin to imagine how that would feel.