Wow! Tomorrow is the big day....My very last treatment.
I hope my last cancer treatment forever.
Its been one hell of a year and a half I have learned so much about myself, about others, about cancer.
When I started chemo in November 2013, I would only focus on the following three weeks. That was the exact amount of time it took for my immune system to hit rock bottom and swing upwards, just in time to receive another treatment. I certainly didn't think about February 2015 and being finished. In fact even when chemo and radiation ended and I was receiving just Herceptin, I never gave the end date a second thought until the nurses commented at my December treatment that I only had three treatments left.
"Really??? That's it?"
My gut reaction included how I was going to miss the nurses and everyone I met in the chemo unit. What an incredibly caring bunch of people. There was also an uneasiness that maybe I needed more cancer treatments. Could my oncologist not give me something else just to make sure cancer doesn't return?
The question I get asked the most by people is "What's next?"
1. The nurses in the chemo ward are not entirely rid of me yet. I still need to pay them a visit every three months to flush my port until it is removed. Depending on what my Oncologist advises, it could be there up to five years. But since I have been having issues draining the port, I suspect it will come out sooner rather than later. But even "sooner" can take up to a year as it is more important for someone, starting treatment to receive a port rather than little old me getting one out. However, I look forward to that glorious day of more sedation.
2. I have a post treatment mammogram and ultra sound. This will be the first one since August 16th 2013... The one where it all began. I am a little nervous about the mammogram part. The scar tissue has made it hard to determine if there are any lumps in the area and post surgery tingling can create a little paranoia. What if they find another lump? What if the last year was all for nothing? One can't help but wonder.
3. Visit with my Oncologist - post mammogram and every six months afterwards. In between I visit my Radiation Oncologist. I forget how long that lasts and after a while the visits become less frequent.
4. Another echo in about a year to make sure that the Herceptin treatments haven't damaged the way blood flows into my heart
I am a little nervous at times about being released back into the wild. I was warned by my Oncologist. You have been followed so closely and receive treatments that in theory kill everything and then one day it stops. Its like taking the blanket away from Linus
Another part of me has already moved on. I forget to check my messages and have lost track of an appointment here and there....That's ok . I still visit the hospital enough times that someone keeps me in check.
The main thing I need to do, post treatment is to continue living....Live every day to its fullest. I am already starting to plan another year of amazing experiences; including one of the biggest and most rewarding experiences: Planning a fundraiser with Jen...The two Jens! Back in action and an almighty force.
Since I started treatment, I thought about how I could give back to the cancer community. I was so fortunate to have the support I did from family and friends. The treatments were not too hard on my system and from a psychological/ emotional point, I think I handled everything well. When Christian was in town last March, he was already planting the seed to start my own fundraiser. Of course I wanted to get through surgery, radiation and the remainder of my treatments. 8 months later, Jen approached me with a film festival idea she had and the wheels started to turn! Stay tuned for amazing stuff to happen by a group of women who answer to the name Vixens Victorious!
Sometimes I think I am too ambitious, too early in the game. What if cancer returns? What if I am not as resilient to treatments? My immune system has not returned to where it was before all of this began. I have been consistently sick with a cold or flu this winter. I get discouraged at times but remind myself that I am ten times more active than someone who has not had cancer treatments
At the end of the day I am incredibly proud of myself. How I handled dealing with Cancer, how I have tried to give back and how I have grown emotionally
