During chemo, I relied on others to take me
to and from treatments. With Herceptin,
I can now go alone. It is still
administered in the chemo unit, which is divided into “pods.” There are
approximately 6 pods (or sections) and 6-8 beds and/or chairs per pod. To keep Herceptin from disrupting my
schedule, I book my treatments as late in the day as possible on Fridays. Sometimes the floor is almost empty. Usually I listen to music while reading
magazines. Now and then I get a visitor
to keep me company.
I realize that I have been totally
oblivious to those around me.
During my last treatment, I looked around
in my pod and the neighboring pods and I have to say: Wow! The people around me
look sick. I do not mean to be
disrespectful but many patients are lying in bed covered with blankets. Some are sleeping and others are awake but
still. Some even look frail and/or
tired. Some have a friend sitting
quietly next to them, reading a magazine while others are alone. There is no laughter and not too many smiles.
At my last treatment, there was an older woman in the bed next to
me. She was alone. She was shivering and
had blankets wrapped around her shoulders.
She was drinking Ensure (what patients are recommended to drink to keep
calorie and nutrient intake up.
Something I never had an issue with.)
When she wanted another blanket, there was no one there to help, unless
a nurse passed by. I got up to get her a
blanket.
In the next pod, was a very attractive
woman about my age, receiving treatment.
She looked drained and laid quietly in bed, covered with blankets while
her husband sat next to her, reading a magazine.
I remembered my last chemo treatment. In
the bed next to mine was a man who was fidgeting.
He was nervous about receiving treatment (we overheard his discussion
with the nurse) and to make matters worse, it was his birthday. His ride had dropped him off and left. He sat alone while I had a party of five (and I mean "party") My friends would get
him more blankets or water. I offered
him some of our snacks. We tried to
incorporate him into our circle as best as we could without being invasive.
I know everyone is different and some people prefer to be alone/quiet.
Please do not think I am judging anyone or assuming the patients around
me are unhappy. But I cannot help but
wonder how many of these people are scared?
Are sick or tired? Are
alone? Are unhappy?
I told Meta about my observations and she
asked “You mean you never noticed before?”
With the exception of that one man during
my last chemo; actually no I haven’t.
Does that make me a selfish person?
Have I been so wrapped up in myself that I didn’t take notice of others
around me? Probably the answer is “yes”
but that’s ok. There is a certain level
of selfishness that is acquired when you get sick in order to heal. Had I noticed the people around me, it may
have dampened my spirits and attitude
makes a big difference with recovery.
Maybe I subconsciously put my blinders on to focus on my own recovery
and not let dismal faces affect me
I adopted the “Let’s make the best out of a
shitty situation” attitude and turned chemo into a lively social visit. There was a cooler bag filled with food for
each treatment. I needed a bed but only
because I wanted the extra space to lay out all my crap. I always had at least
two people per treatment - Five at the
last one. Photos were snapped, gossip
was shared and always – lots of laughter.
And as I told Meta “If any of you bitches
would have ignored me, or left me alone; I would have beat the living tar out
of you!”
I was and still am the loudest person
there. My laugh isn't one that can be ignored.
What I did isn’t right or wrong. It doesn’t make me a better or stronger person
for handling treatments the way I do. As
I have said and been told countless times, everyone is different. I did what I had to do in order to get
through it. I rely on humour to get me through difficult times.
Then I began to wonder if I pissed patients
around me. Meta assured me, from what
she observed, that I didn’t disrupt but often brought a smile to people’s faces
when I cracked jokes and my positive energy was infectious.
Really?
So what have l learned? I thought I was aware of my surroundings but
obviously not. I need to be more cognizant
of the people around me, during treatment.
Maybe someone wants to talk, maybe someone needs a blanket or a drink of
water, maybe I can give them my magazine – Or maybe they want to be left
alone. I don’t know the answers but I am
on the homestretch and have remained unscathed.
All I can do is be more mindful of others and see if I can help them in
some small yet potentially significant way; in their tour.
From a recent photo shoot with Laura....My hair returned thicker and fuller than ever! Although I hate calling my cancer treatments a journey, I like the imagery of the road, heading towards home as the setting. I really am on the homestretch!
