The side effects with Taxotere are much worse than the first type of chemo. I eventually swung out of the muscle pain but the rumour is, it will be lingering even after I am finished. Believe it or not, the best remedy was belly dancing. I was stretching and noticed that everything I was doing, reminded me of warming up during my Middle Eastern Dance classes. So I cranked up a little Natacha Atlas and Alabina and did a little shimmey across my kitchen floor. Amazingly, the next day I had less pain and needed less ibuprofen.
The next issue that popped up was the metallic taste in my mouth got worse and I started to get mouth sores. All of a sudden everything I ate had a strange taste and some things even hurt to eat. I had my favorite, Vietnamese for lunch with Meta and I didn't enjoy it at all. Of course it hasn't killed my appetite, I still eat but just look for ways around the problem. The metallic taste makes it difficult to drink water and one of the tricks I use is diluting a little orange juice in a big glass of water. Sarah recommended that I try drinking different types of bottled water and Dasani had a distinct flavor for her during chemo....Really? I have a private well drilled at the farm and drink municipal water that has been treated in Ottawa and can't taste the difference. I highly doubt that I will taste the difference between bottles of water. Tonight I conducted a little experiment and tried Dasani and Pure Life and I actually believe I could taste a difference. Or maybe I am just so desperate to have my taste buds back. Club soda seems to offer the best relief.
My lips are also incredibly dry and swollen. I feel like I spent an evening making out with a brillo pad. Now I know why Vonda gave me so many tubes of chap stick. She is more on the ball than I am with potential side effects.
I finally met one of my Vixens! And I hope to meet more in the future. Sarah, whom I was put in touch with by a former colleague, just finished her chemo, radiation and has a few more Herceptin treatments to go. I took advantage of her treatment and swung by the hospital to meet her in person. She has been fantastic at answering all of my questions. What an amazing woman! She went through this all in 2013 with a great attitude and three young ones to boot!
It felt a little odd being the one sitting in the chair and not in the bed but I will be back on the bed in 2 weeks. So I took advantage of that feeling as well.
Tomorrow is my last day of work for a while. Although I enjoy work and still worry that I will go stir crazy; with these side effects I am now ready to make some time for myself. I am tired and the timing is perfect. Of course I have created about six months worth of projects and have grandiose ideas of skating, snow shoeing and Lord knows what else. But given this past week, that now may be a little too ambitious. But here is the beauty of it: I can just live in the present moment. Aside from my medical appointments, I do not have any deadlines or major commitments. If I need to take a nap, mid day I will and not feel guilty about it. If I want to spend the morning lounging around in my pyjamas, eating ice cream; I'm going to do it. Actually I do have one confession, there were a few mornings spent working and interviewing candidates while I had a mud mask. Masks have been so easy with out having to deal with tying up your hair.
The next few months will be all about "Me." Now don't get me wrong....I am one to treat myself and somewhat take care of myself but it usually is crammed into a time frame of an evening or weekend. This will be two months of relaxing, yoga (I hired a private yoga instructor) doing art, reading, meditation and just learning how to be a better Jenny...for Jenny
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Docetaxel....Taxotere...Taxidermy...Whatever
Last Thursday chemo was changed up a little bit. It seems that it is routine to have three doses of one chemo cocktail and three of another. I started something called Taxotere.
Side effects include: Water retention, changes in nails, muscle and joint aches/pains, some flu like symptoms, metallic taste in mouth, swelling of tongue, fatigue that usually kicks in by Sunday.
The morning started out as usual and Jen and Meta accompanied me to this round. I have now developed quite a reputation with the staff of bringing elaborate snacks. When the nurse asked if I had brought my anti nausea pill that I take before each treatment, I realized it was part of the prescription the pharmacist forgot to fill at the last treatment. I explained what happened and the nurse asked "So you didn't take it after your last treatment and you were not sick?"
"Nope and in fact, I am so tired of these bloody steroids, I didn't take those either" I replied as I stuffed my face with a cinnamon bun. She called my Oncologist and I over heard her say "Well, she is eating now..." The nurse returned and asked again if I had any issues with my last treatment (truth be told, not only did I not have nausea, I didn't have that stupid metallic taste in my mouth afterwards and I was able to enjoy my coffee) and she commented that there is nothing wrong with my appetite and we decided to forgo the yellow, foot ball shaped pill.
The unique thing about this treatment is that I have to wear oven mitts on my hands and feet to keep them cold through out the whole treatment. It apparently will help with the nail changes expected to occur with this cocktail. Its rather annoying and I obviously didn't take the gloves into consideration when I purchased icing covered cinnamon buns and a fruit platter for snacks. Jen refused to spoon feed me.
Just before I put on the gloves, I called up my cousin Krista. She was scheduled to attend but couldn't because of a cold. She felt so bad that I decided to make her feel like she was there.
Everything went smoothly and I returned home but not without a quick pit stop at McDonalds.
The first few days I felt fine, ran errands, visited with friends. Heck, I even juiced broccoli and drank it. I never heard from my home care nurse and ended up even giving myself the injection. Easy peasy
By Sunday, I thought I was in the clear with regards to the side effects but by Sunday evening, I felt like I had been kicked over and over again by a pair of steel toe boots. Everything in my body ached, the prescribed pain killers did nothing and I maybe fell asleep for an hour by 4 AM.
I even had to take a sick day from work on the Monday and spent my time trying to sleep between my bed and the floor. Then the metallic taste returned, stronger than ever. Crap....
My quirky, positive attitude can only last so long under these circumstances and by Tuesday I felt a wave of bitchiness overcoming me. I growled and whined to whomever would listen to me. However as the saying goes, "This too shall pass" and decide I just need to plow through. I was warned but my cocky self thought I was immune to all the nasty side effects. I hear it gets worse with each treatment so I just need to be creative in finding ways to deal with and not let it affect my time.
Suggestions have included hot Epsom salt baths, shark cartilage and heating pads. I am afraid a massage may make the situation worse. However, I am not opposed to hiring my three year old niece to walk on my back until it cracks.
I totally understand now why my Oncologist recommended that I take February off work instead of January.
Side effects include: Water retention, changes in nails, muscle and joint aches/pains, some flu like symptoms, metallic taste in mouth, swelling of tongue, fatigue that usually kicks in by Sunday.
The morning started out as usual and Jen and Meta accompanied me to this round. I have now developed quite a reputation with the staff of bringing elaborate snacks. When the nurse asked if I had brought my anti nausea pill that I take before each treatment, I realized it was part of the prescription the pharmacist forgot to fill at the last treatment. I explained what happened and the nurse asked "So you didn't take it after your last treatment and you were not sick?"
"Nope and in fact, I am so tired of these bloody steroids, I didn't take those either" I replied as I stuffed my face with a cinnamon bun. She called my Oncologist and I over heard her say "Well, she is eating now..." The nurse returned and asked again if I had any issues with my last treatment (truth be told, not only did I not have nausea, I didn't have that stupid metallic taste in my mouth afterwards and I was able to enjoy my coffee) and she commented that there is nothing wrong with my appetite and we decided to forgo the yellow, foot ball shaped pill.
The unique thing about this treatment is that I have to wear oven mitts on my hands and feet to keep them cold through out the whole treatment. It apparently will help with the nail changes expected to occur with this cocktail. Its rather annoying and I obviously didn't take the gloves into consideration when I purchased icing covered cinnamon buns and a fruit platter for snacks. Jen refused to spoon feed me.
Just before I put on the gloves, I called up my cousin Krista. She was scheduled to attend but couldn't because of a cold. She felt so bad that I decided to make her feel like she was there.
Everything went smoothly and I returned home but not without a quick pit stop at McDonalds.
The first few days I felt fine, ran errands, visited with friends. Heck, I even juiced broccoli and drank it. I never heard from my home care nurse and ended up even giving myself the injection. Easy peasy
By Sunday, I thought I was in the clear with regards to the side effects but by Sunday evening, I felt like I had been kicked over and over again by a pair of steel toe boots. Everything in my body ached, the prescribed pain killers did nothing and I maybe fell asleep for an hour by 4 AM.
I even had to take a sick day from work on the Monday and spent my time trying to sleep between my bed and the floor. Then the metallic taste returned, stronger than ever. Crap....
My quirky, positive attitude can only last so long under these circumstances and by Tuesday I felt a wave of bitchiness overcoming me. I growled and whined to whomever would listen to me. However as the saying goes, "This too shall pass" and decide I just need to plow through. I was warned but my cocky self thought I was immune to all the nasty side effects. I hear it gets worse with each treatment so I just need to be creative in finding ways to deal with and not let it affect my time.
Suggestions have included hot Epsom salt baths, shark cartilage and heating pads. I am afraid a massage may make the situation worse. However, I am not opposed to hiring my three year old niece to walk on my back until it cracks.
I totally understand now why my Oncologist recommended that I take February off work instead of January.
These mitts slow down the changes to my nails...I'm so hot, I went through three of them
Meta, Jen and I
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Managers, Roadies, Fans and Groupies
Every Rock Star has an entourage and I am no different.
I have been hesitant to write about all the wonderful people in my life that have offered so much support for fear I may miss and offend someone. Everything that everyone has done for me has been greatly appreciated - From my family, my friends, my colleagues, my health care team; even people I have never met before, have been beyond amazing. The people I write about below only scratches the surface.
Thank you everyone - you all know who you are
WARNING - This is a long post and there are still so many others to thank
Family: I have been told the one of the last things a parent wants to hear is that their child has cancer. Imagine their shock when my folks called on the Saturday, after my mammogram to ask if I could sing in church and I am sobbing on the other end because "the lump in my breast is abnormal and they need to act quickly." Two days later they get another call from me, after half a bottle of scotch, telling them "the lump is indicative of cancer."
I have to give them credit, they held it together very well, been fantastic at offering anything I need and helping out any way they can. The problem is when they have spent the last 39 years raising a child to be self sufficient and independent; its very hard for me to return home for help.
The rest of the family has been incredibly supportive and concerned but the beauty is no one treats me any differently. After my first chemo, my aunt said "Too bad you were not staying here longer. You could help me clean the church windows."
My cousin Susie, who is the closest thing I have to sibling and her husband have treated me no differently either. Steven said my head looked like a big Q-tip after I shaved it.
Friends: The support of my friends has been amazing. Everyone has their own lives and their own shit to deal with, yet they have all been there for me. The day my Dr called me into her office, I was going to go in alone (I was in denial that the lump would be anything more than a cyst) but Laura wouldn't let me go alone and I am so grateful. After I got the news, I slipped on oversized sunglasses, walked right out of the office and sobbed in her arms in the parking lot. Not wanting to be alone, I went back to her place, drank all her scotch and sobbed some more.
In addition, Laura has been documenting every step of this tour by taking fantastic photos. Some may think that keeping reminders is an odd thing but I am actually quite proud of my scars, my bald head, and the bags under my eyes. I want to remember this year - This whole year is going to change my life forever and if remembering is making a cancer scrap book at the end, so be it.
I call Meta my Tour Manager as she has come to every Dr. app't after Laura started working again. She is like Sharon and I am Ozzy. In the first few weeks following diagnosis, I thought of reaching out to Meta, just have her common sense calm me down. We used to work together but it had been a while since we last spoke. How do you call someone up that you haven't talked to in months and say "Hey, Guess what? I have cancer and I am pretty close to having a melt down. So can you come over and talk some sense into me?" Then fate struck; she called me and over a glass of wine, asked if she could help in any way. I asked if she could come to an appointment with my surgeon because I needed someone to take notes. And she has been there ever since! She is the only person that can take 5 pages of notes during a 20 minute consultation and ask questions, no one would ever think of asking.
When I landed in emergency, Meta met me 10:30 PM at the hospital door, sporting a rock Tshirt and a mask (we still argue over the mask issue) and stayed by my side until 2:30 AM.
And every time I have a long day, bad day, get hit with news, etc; Meta's message is "Hey, you never have to do this day over again"
Kim and Shawn have been huge supporters. Shawn likes to refer to himself as my Roadie and has decided his role in the tour is to chauffeur me to my surgeries (with a cheeseburger waiting in the car, post surgery.) Kim has been to a few of my chemo sessions, educated herself at chemo school and essentially been on call if I need anything.
Angela has been the official researcher. After it was confirmed I would be receiving chemo, I asked Ang to look into where I could find decent quality, cheap wigs. Within two hours in the middle of a conference, I receive a text from her saying she found a free wig for me, signed me up for a wig hairstyling course and another workshop. After all her hard work, I decided that I don't like wigs and she has knitted toques for me.
Having gone through a mammogram and ultra sound for a lump in the past and it turned out to be no big deal, I didn't think this one was any different. Peter urged me to take it seriously, get it checked out by a doctor and made sure I booked an appointment. Thank God I listened to him because he essentially saved my life. Then months later after I started chemo, he came over for a visit but about 10 minutes before he walked through the door, I reached a fever. An hour later, he is taking me to the hospital. I have joked that he is bad luck for me but he listens to me whine when I have bad days and delivered contraband McDonalds when I was in the hospital.
One of the toughest moments to swallow was getting an email from my girlfriend, Vonda shortly after my diagnosis. In it she wrote "I am sad, scared and feel totally helpless (because I am not there.)" That was when it really hit me that having cancer just didn't affect me but affected the people I love. Furthermore, there were a lot of people in my life who didn't know a lot about cancer, myself included. That is when I decided that my blog would be more than letting everyone know my status but also to educate everyone that cancer isn't that scary. Even though Vonda lives in Montreal, she has offered a tremendous amount of support just by checking in. She has taken it a step further in educating herself and the kids, sending cute care packages with all sorts of fun goodies, including hand knit caps from Gracia. I knew I was driving the right message across with my blog when I received another message from Vonda, the week after I shaved my head. She wrote " You are so fucking cool. The kids are amazed at your strength. I am so glad they have a woman like you in their lives."
Cue the water works!
The list has been endless! Carolyn has been on call night and day; setting me up in the hospital and wig shopping. She attempted to knit too but from what I have heard, its best I stick with Ang and Gracia's handi work. Laurie took off my bandages after surgery. Gailene has stopped in to pet sit, with little to no notice; often hiding food in the fridge. Philip stocked me up with vegetable soup that I actually eat and introduced me to my super cool food guru, Linh. Elle delivered broccoli salad, lentil loaf and threatened my life if I didn't eat my veggies. Darren shaved his head as a sign of solidarity. Tammy, Carey, Tracey, Gisele and countless other have put me on their prayer list. Krista sports concert shirts, Jen supplies me with rock shirts, Mirella takes me grocery shopping and Karma "Hugs the shit out of me." Genevieve shaved my head and lent me some pretty cool wigs. Paul sends inspirational quotes, Eric and Pam encourage me to juice and Christian is my cheerleader. I haven't even scraped the surface of my support network. There are so many special people in my life
Work: After my mammogram/ultra sound, I went back to work and hid in my cubicle for the rest of the day, crying. By Monday morning I had to tell my bosses what was up and after I got the news, texted them "My Dr. thinks it is cancer. I am not coming back to the office. Going to drink." The next day, sitting in my cubicle with swollen eyes, my colleague, Puneet who sits behind me, asked what was up. When I told him my news, he said exactly what I needed to hear: "F*ck off....Whatever! You are going to pull through that shit no problem"
I wanted to continue working to maintain a level of sanity and a sense of purpose and Ian Martin Group has gone beyond accommodating. I received all the tools I need to work from home and through things like video conferencing I feel like I am still in the loop. My colleagues have been there to help and check in on me. I am very lucky to be working for such a great company with amazing people.
The other day, I officially gave my notice that I will be taking some time off as I am heading towards the finish line of my chemo treatments. I cried off an on all day. I knew that I wanted to do this but all of a sudden I felt like I had let my team down, I wasn't as productive as I should be and that I have become more of a burden to the company than a help. I have never "not worked" in my life so the thought of not contributing somewhere, actually scares me. I need to be busy and have a sense of purpose.
In addition to Ian Martin Group, my former colleagues at Holt Renfrew have reached out with their kind wishes and support. I met some great people and forged some strong friendships during the 15 years I worked at Holts as an employee and as a freelance artist. Miriam is one of my biggest fans - She is like my Cancer Coach; offering advice, checking in and reminding me that I'm going to have good and bad days but that I will get through this. In addition, I sport one pink ribbon- ish item from Meris: A black bracelet with one pink bead that she gave to me the day before my surgery. On my last day of Herceptin treatments (God forbid that will be the last "treatment") I want to pass it on to someone else in the chemo unit.
Cancer Vixens - I can't take credit for the term but as soon as I was diagnosed, I reached out to a few women who have been through treatment for breast cancer. Initially, I wanted to remind myself that I wasn't the only person who has cancer and that people come out the other end perfectly fine and carry on their lives. Even though everyone is different, having them share their experiences has prepared me for what to expect during chemo. Some of these women, I have never even physically met and I appreciate them taking the time to answer my random questions and open up to share a very personal part of their lives with me. Plus aside from my medical team, I tend to only follow the advice I have received form these women because they know first hand what it's like. Christine, Janet, Sarah, Laurie, Lee Anne and other women I have talked to are all rock stars!! I wouldn't mess with them - they are pretty tough gals to have endured what they have.
As this post is already too long, I will save a separate entry for my health care team at a later point after I have gotten better acquainted with some key players - These are the people I am trusting my life with right now and so far they are doing an awesome job.
I think back to November's chemo school and listening to that one woman who seemed to alone for her tour. I wonder about her often and how she is coping. I don't think I would be handling my treatments as well as I have with out the love and support of all the special people in my life.
I can't even count my blessings....
I have been hesitant to write about all the wonderful people in my life that have offered so much support for fear I may miss and offend someone. Everything that everyone has done for me has been greatly appreciated - From my family, my friends, my colleagues, my health care team; even people I have never met before, have been beyond amazing. The people I write about below only scratches the surface.
Thank you everyone - you all know who you are
WARNING - This is a long post and there are still so many others to thank
Family: I have been told the one of the last things a parent wants to hear is that their child has cancer. Imagine their shock when my folks called on the Saturday, after my mammogram to ask if I could sing in church and I am sobbing on the other end because "the lump in my breast is abnormal and they need to act quickly." Two days later they get another call from me, after half a bottle of scotch, telling them "the lump is indicative of cancer."
I have to give them credit, they held it together very well, been fantastic at offering anything I need and helping out any way they can. The problem is when they have spent the last 39 years raising a child to be self sufficient and independent; its very hard for me to return home for help.
The rest of the family has been incredibly supportive and concerned but the beauty is no one treats me any differently. After my first chemo, my aunt said "Too bad you were not staying here longer. You could help me clean the church windows."
My cousin Susie, who is the closest thing I have to sibling and her husband have treated me no differently either. Steven said my head looked like a big Q-tip after I shaved it.
Friends: The support of my friends has been amazing. Everyone has their own lives and their own shit to deal with, yet they have all been there for me. The day my Dr called me into her office, I was going to go in alone (I was in denial that the lump would be anything more than a cyst) but Laura wouldn't let me go alone and I am so grateful. After I got the news, I slipped on oversized sunglasses, walked right out of the office and sobbed in her arms in the parking lot. Not wanting to be alone, I went back to her place, drank all her scotch and sobbed some more.
In addition, Laura has been documenting every step of this tour by taking fantastic photos. Some may think that keeping reminders is an odd thing but I am actually quite proud of my scars, my bald head, and the bags under my eyes. I want to remember this year - This whole year is going to change my life forever and if remembering is making a cancer scrap book at the end, so be it.
I call Meta my Tour Manager as she has come to every Dr. app't after Laura started working again. She is like Sharon and I am Ozzy. In the first few weeks following diagnosis, I thought of reaching out to Meta, just have her common sense calm me down. We used to work together but it had been a while since we last spoke. How do you call someone up that you haven't talked to in months and say "Hey, Guess what? I have cancer and I am pretty close to having a melt down. So can you come over and talk some sense into me?" Then fate struck; she called me and over a glass of wine, asked if she could help in any way. I asked if she could come to an appointment with my surgeon because I needed someone to take notes. And she has been there ever since! She is the only person that can take 5 pages of notes during a 20 minute consultation and ask questions, no one would ever think of asking.
When I landed in emergency, Meta met me 10:30 PM at the hospital door, sporting a rock Tshirt and a mask (we still argue over the mask issue) and stayed by my side until 2:30 AM.
And every time I have a long day, bad day, get hit with news, etc; Meta's message is "Hey, you never have to do this day over again"
Kim and Shawn have been huge supporters. Shawn likes to refer to himself as my Roadie and has decided his role in the tour is to chauffeur me to my surgeries (with a cheeseburger waiting in the car, post surgery.) Kim has been to a few of my chemo sessions, educated herself at chemo school and essentially been on call if I need anything.
Angela has been the official researcher. After it was confirmed I would be receiving chemo, I asked Ang to look into where I could find decent quality, cheap wigs. Within two hours in the middle of a conference, I receive a text from her saying she found a free wig for me, signed me up for a wig hairstyling course and another workshop. After all her hard work, I decided that I don't like wigs and she has knitted toques for me.
Having gone through a mammogram and ultra sound for a lump in the past and it turned out to be no big deal, I didn't think this one was any different. Peter urged me to take it seriously, get it checked out by a doctor and made sure I booked an appointment. Thank God I listened to him because he essentially saved my life. Then months later after I started chemo, he came over for a visit but about 10 minutes before he walked through the door, I reached a fever. An hour later, he is taking me to the hospital. I have joked that he is bad luck for me but he listens to me whine when I have bad days and delivered contraband McDonalds when I was in the hospital.
One of the toughest moments to swallow was getting an email from my girlfriend, Vonda shortly after my diagnosis. In it she wrote "I am sad, scared and feel totally helpless (because I am not there.)" That was when it really hit me that having cancer just didn't affect me but affected the people I love. Furthermore, there were a lot of people in my life who didn't know a lot about cancer, myself included. That is when I decided that my blog would be more than letting everyone know my status but also to educate everyone that cancer isn't that scary. Even though Vonda lives in Montreal, she has offered a tremendous amount of support just by checking in. She has taken it a step further in educating herself and the kids, sending cute care packages with all sorts of fun goodies, including hand knit caps from Gracia. I knew I was driving the right message across with my blog when I received another message from Vonda, the week after I shaved my head. She wrote " You are so fucking cool. The kids are amazed at your strength. I am so glad they have a woman like you in their lives."
Cue the water works!
The list has been endless! Carolyn has been on call night and day; setting me up in the hospital and wig shopping. She attempted to knit too but from what I have heard, its best I stick with Ang and Gracia's handi work. Laurie took off my bandages after surgery. Gailene has stopped in to pet sit, with little to no notice; often hiding food in the fridge. Philip stocked me up with vegetable soup that I actually eat and introduced me to my super cool food guru, Linh. Elle delivered broccoli salad, lentil loaf and threatened my life if I didn't eat my veggies. Darren shaved his head as a sign of solidarity. Tammy, Carey, Tracey, Gisele and countless other have put me on their prayer list. Krista sports concert shirts, Jen supplies me with rock shirts, Mirella takes me grocery shopping and Karma "Hugs the shit out of me." Genevieve shaved my head and lent me some pretty cool wigs. Paul sends inspirational quotes, Eric and Pam encourage me to juice and Christian is my cheerleader. I haven't even scraped the surface of my support network. There are so many special people in my life
Work: After my mammogram/ultra sound, I went back to work and hid in my cubicle for the rest of the day, crying. By Monday morning I had to tell my bosses what was up and after I got the news, texted them "My Dr. thinks it is cancer. I am not coming back to the office. Going to drink." The next day, sitting in my cubicle with swollen eyes, my colleague, Puneet who sits behind me, asked what was up. When I told him my news, he said exactly what I needed to hear: "F*ck off....Whatever! You are going to pull through that shit no problem"
I wanted to continue working to maintain a level of sanity and a sense of purpose and Ian Martin Group has gone beyond accommodating. I received all the tools I need to work from home and through things like video conferencing I feel like I am still in the loop. My colleagues have been there to help and check in on me. I am very lucky to be working for such a great company with amazing people.
The other day, I officially gave my notice that I will be taking some time off as I am heading towards the finish line of my chemo treatments. I cried off an on all day. I knew that I wanted to do this but all of a sudden I felt like I had let my team down, I wasn't as productive as I should be and that I have become more of a burden to the company than a help. I have never "not worked" in my life so the thought of not contributing somewhere, actually scares me. I need to be busy and have a sense of purpose.
In addition to Ian Martin Group, my former colleagues at Holt Renfrew have reached out with their kind wishes and support. I met some great people and forged some strong friendships during the 15 years I worked at Holts as an employee and as a freelance artist. Miriam is one of my biggest fans - She is like my Cancer Coach; offering advice, checking in and reminding me that I'm going to have good and bad days but that I will get through this. In addition, I sport one pink ribbon- ish item from Meris: A black bracelet with one pink bead that she gave to me the day before my surgery. On my last day of Herceptin treatments (God forbid that will be the last "treatment") I want to pass it on to someone else in the chemo unit.
Cancer Vixens - I can't take credit for the term but as soon as I was diagnosed, I reached out to a few women who have been through treatment for breast cancer. Initially, I wanted to remind myself that I wasn't the only person who has cancer and that people come out the other end perfectly fine and carry on their lives. Even though everyone is different, having them share their experiences has prepared me for what to expect during chemo. Some of these women, I have never even physically met and I appreciate them taking the time to answer my random questions and open up to share a very personal part of their lives with me. Plus aside from my medical team, I tend to only follow the advice I have received form these women because they know first hand what it's like. Christine, Janet, Sarah, Laurie, Lee Anne and other women I have talked to are all rock stars!! I wouldn't mess with them - they are pretty tough gals to have endured what they have.
As this post is already too long, I will save a separate entry for my health care team at a later point after I have gotten better acquainted with some key players - These are the people I am trusting my life with right now and so far they are doing an awesome job.
I think back to November's chemo school and listening to that one woman who seemed to alone for her tour. I wonder about her often and how she is coping. I don't think I would be handling my treatments as well as I have with out the love and support of all the special people in my life.
I can't even count my blessings....
 |
| I think this photo of Meta holding my hand during treatment sums up the level of support she has offered during the tour |
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Half Way Mark
As of last Thursday, I am half way completed chemo.
Yay for me!!
Again and thankfully, it was uneventful. Susie and Kim accompanied me to this round. Susie even busted out her 1988 AC/DC concert shirt for the occasion. It was disgustingly cold but on the bright side, since I am not allowed to drive, I never have to get into a cold car.
My only complaint would be that the nurse did not ice my port before hooking me up and it was an annoying pain that lasted for a couple of days later. When I had commented afterwards that we had not iced the area and it was sore; another nurse looked at me and disagreed stating the ice doesn't help. I thought to myself; "Really? You have a port and know this first hand?"
Upon leaving the hospital, my steroids and hunger kicked in...So, let's go eat! I still don't understand modern medicine. All the horror stories of people drastically losing weight, vomiting, lack of appetite; and I wolf down four plates at a buffet. Susie says its our German descent (I have increased my sauerkraut intake since chemo began)
When I arrived home, I opened my loot bag from the pharmacy and realized they forgot to give me one of my anti nausea meds. The girls were heading home, I couldn't drive and it was too cold to do anything about it - Plus the post chemo fatigue was kicking in. Turns out I had no nausea but I feel bad because I assume my results cannot be used as part of the clinical trial now.
The next day, a new nurse stopped in, as my regular was still on holidays. She was determined to teach me how to give my own Neulasta injection. I wasn't very happy about sticking a needle in my gut and releasing the goods s-l-o-w-l-y.
Typically I am not one to sit still. Those who know me, know that I am always out and usually have my life planned 3 weeks in advance; scheduling in an evening at home to catch up on housework. Even my "getaways" at the farm consist of renovations or other small projects. Even during treatments, I have managed toI cannot tell you the last time I took a weekend, let alone a day and do absolutely nothing.
I did absolutely nothing last weekend and it was a glorious eye opener!
After the first round of chemo my energy levels were not affected. Second round, I was too busy and pushed through the weekend by baking, decorating my tree and wrapping gifts. I was concerned that I drove from the farm back to Ottawa in snow. Nothing happened but it still wasn't a smart decision.
Although this time, Gailene was coming along; I couldn't bring myself to get off the couch on Saturday. I called my parents and asked that they keep my pets for another week.
My mom was quite happy to help and as she clams, the cats give her hugs every time she walks in the door. She also feeds them twice as much as I do and I can envision the look of disappointment on their faces when I walk through the door next time.
So, my weekend was spent between my couch and my bed, with a heating pad to soothe my sore joints from the Neulasta. I can't tell you how many hours I slept but it was a lot and if I wasn't sleeping; I was reading (or eating.) I even ate Kraft Dinner in bed on Saturday. The experience really drove home the importance to slow down and listen to our bodies more often. I don't believe that everyone should become a couch potato but I think all of us can benefit by taking time (whether its minutes, hours or days) to stop...Not "stop and smell the roses" or "appreciate the finer things in life" but just STOP.
The first of many lessons to be learned in 2014. I began to schedule meditation into my calendar.
So what's next? The cocktail of chemo will be changing on January 23rd. The fear of nausea should no longer be a concern, however I will have to be on guard against infections and fevers. I am a little nervous how my body will react. I have been very lucky thus far. The nurses have informed me that my fingers and toes will be kept cool during treatment as I should experience a numbing sensation, my nails will become very brittle and turn red. Other than that, I should expect aches and pains throughout my body but I am not sure if they are referring to the side effects of the injections.
During treatment, I need to suck on ice chips or Mr. Freezies to keep my mouth cool. My nurse didn't ask what colours I wanted....I don't like the white or melon kinds
The Ladysmith Crew!
Yay for me!!
Again and thankfully, it was uneventful. Susie and Kim accompanied me to this round. Susie even busted out her 1988 AC/DC concert shirt for the occasion. It was disgustingly cold but on the bright side, since I am not allowed to drive, I never have to get into a cold car.
My only complaint would be that the nurse did not ice my port before hooking me up and it was an annoying pain that lasted for a couple of days later. When I had commented afterwards that we had not iced the area and it was sore; another nurse looked at me and disagreed stating the ice doesn't help. I thought to myself; "Really? You have a port and know this first hand?"
Upon leaving the hospital, my steroids and hunger kicked in...So, let's go eat! I still don't understand modern medicine. All the horror stories of people drastically losing weight, vomiting, lack of appetite; and I wolf down four plates at a buffet. Susie says its our German descent (I have increased my sauerkraut intake since chemo began)
When I arrived home, I opened my loot bag from the pharmacy and realized they forgot to give me one of my anti nausea meds. The girls were heading home, I couldn't drive and it was too cold to do anything about it - Plus the post chemo fatigue was kicking in. Turns out I had no nausea but I feel bad because I assume my results cannot be used as part of the clinical trial now.
The next day, a new nurse stopped in, as my regular was still on holidays. She was determined to teach me how to give my own Neulasta injection. I wasn't very happy about sticking a needle in my gut and releasing the goods s-l-o-w-l-y.
Typically I am not one to sit still. Those who know me, know that I am always out and usually have my life planned 3 weeks in advance; scheduling in an evening at home to catch up on housework. Even my "getaways" at the farm consist of renovations or other small projects. Even during treatments, I have managed toI cannot tell you the last time I took a weekend, let alone a day and do absolutely nothing.
I did absolutely nothing last weekend and it was a glorious eye opener!
After the first round of chemo my energy levels were not affected. Second round, I was too busy and pushed through the weekend by baking, decorating my tree and wrapping gifts. I was concerned that I drove from the farm back to Ottawa in snow. Nothing happened but it still wasn't a smart decision.
Although this time, Gailene was coming along; I couldn't bring myself to get off the couch on Saturday. I called my parents and asked that they keep my pets for another week.
My mom was quite happy to help and as she clams, the cats give her hugs every time she walks in the door. She also feeds them twice as much as I do and I can envision the look of disappointment on their faces when I walk through the door next time.
So, my weekend was spent between my couch and my bed, with a heating pad to soothe my sore joints from the Neulasta. I can't tell you how many hours I slept but it was a lot and if I wasn't sleeping; I was reading (or eating.) I even ate Kraft Dinner in bed on Saturday. The experience really drove home the importance to slow down and listen to our bodies more often. I don't believe that everyone should become a couch potato but I think all of us can benefit by taking time (whether its minutes, hours or days) to stop...Not "stop and smell the roses" or "appreciate the finer things in life" but just STOP.
The first of many lessons to be learned in 2014. I began to schedule meditation into my calendar.
So what's next? The cocktail of chemo will be changing on January 23rd. The fear of nausea should no longer be a concern, however I will have to be on guard against infections and fevers. I am a little nervous how my body will react. I have been very lucky thus far. The nurses have informed me that my fingers and toes will be kept cool during treatment as I should experience a numbing sensation, my nails will become very brittle and turn red. Other than that, I should expect aches and pains throughout my body but I am not sure if they are referring to the side effects of the injections.
During treatment, I need to suck on ice chips or Mr. Freezies to keep my mouth cool. My nurse didn't ask what colours I wanted....I don't like the white or melon kinds
The Ladysmith Crew!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Resolutions
New Years' Eve and Day has always been for me, as I am sure for many people, a time to reflect on the past year; remembering all the fun times and the lessons learned. It is of course a time to look forward to the coming year and set goals.
My resolution in 2013 was to have more fun and experience new things. I tried snowmobiling, archery and skiing for the first time. I went to a hockey game, saw a few bands I loved in high school, had a girls night out in Montreal, partied in Orlando, experienced a real music festival, camped in a tent, made some new friends, focused on my art work plus many more fun memories
Being diagnosed with breast cancer wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted to experience new things, but it really has opened my eyes to so many things about myself and how blessed I truly am.
When I heard the phrase "you find the strength you never knew you had," I used to cringe. It just sounded so lame and self help. Now I kind of get it. If you would have told me a year ago that I would have cancer, have surgery, chemo, more surgery, radiation plus another year of treatments; I would have said "No fucking way." But here I am and plugging away.
The first few weeks were tough emotionally; as was sharing the news with family and friends, but I am surprised how quickly I have bounced back. I have very few "bad days." I can't change the fact I have cancer. Crying or moping isn't going to help so I might as well get on with it. As I tell myself "I really don't have time for this."
The support I have received from my family, friends; even people I hardly know has been overwhelming. I can't say it enough times but the people in my life are truly amazing and any "courage" I have is a result of surrounding myself with incredible people. Having cancer has strengthened some friendships, bonded me closer to my family and community, developed new friendships and allowed me to let go of others who were "unhealthy."
2014 will be my most challenging year. The first 4-5 months will be physically difficult due to chemo and surgery but my treatments will continue into 2015. My primary resolution is to get through 2014, keeping the same mentality and physical endurance as I have now.
In addition, I want to use cancer as an opportunity to grow in 2014. My goal is to spend the year looking at ways I can create a greater balance in my life and improve myself. This is an opportunity to learn to eat better, drink more water, sleep more and take better care of myself. I am learning to prioritize my life and focus on what is important to me. I will continue to learn to say "NO" without guilt and ask for help when needed. In addition, using the ability to work from home as an exercise in maintaining focus, prioritizing, organization.
I have received many messages from people who have been following my blog; telling me how I have inspired them. That's really nice and encouraging to hear but I really don't consider myself an inspiration. I have just been lucky. I haven't endured much suffering or discomfort and really don't feel I am doing anything extraordinary. Cancer treatments are not what they were even 10 years ago and the horrible side effects people hear about no longer exist. In addition, I have been able to work, maintain a quasi social life, have a very healthy appetite and stay pretty active. Someone who was in a horrible accident, paralyzed from the waist down who trains and competes in sports is an inspiration. I am not the only person who has, is or will be going through this. I have met some pretty amazing women who have been treated for breast cancer: They have all survived and come out the other end in great shape.
If anyone of you were told tomorrow that you have cancer, you would find a way to get through it. My security blanket is humour and coming from a stubborn stock.
My resolution in 2013 was to have more fun and experience new things. I tried snowmobiling, archery and skiing for the first time. I went to a hockey game, saw a few bands I loved in high school, had a girls night out in Montreal, partied in Orlando, experienced a real music festival, camped in a tent, made some new friends, focused on my art work plus many more fun memories
Being diagnosed with breast cancer wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted to experience new things, but it really has opened my eyes to so many things about myself and how blessed I truly am.
When I heard the phrase "you find the strength you never knew you had," I used to cringe. It just sounded so lame and self help. Now I kind of get it. If you would have told me a year ago that I would have cancer, have surgery, chemo, more surgery, radiation plus another year of treatments; I would have said "No fucking way." But here I am and plugging away.
The first few weeks were tough emotionally; as was sharing the news with family and friends, but I am surprised how quickly I have bounced back. I have very few "bad days." I can't change the fact I have cancer. Crying or moping isn't going to help so I might as well get on with it. As I tell myself "I really don't have time for this."
The support I have received from my family, friends; even people I hardly know has been overwhelming. I can't say it enough times but the people in my life are truly amazing and any "courage" I have is a result of surrounding myself with incredible people. Having cancer has strengthened some friendships, bonded me closer to my family and community, developed new friendships and allowed me to let go of others who were "unhealthy."
2014 will be my most challenging year. The first 4-5 months will be physically difficult due to chemo and surgery but my treatments will continue into 2015. My primary resolution is to get through 2014, keeping the same mentality and physical endurance as I have now.
In addition, I want to use cancer as an opportunity to grow in 2014. My goal is to spend the year looking at ways I can create a greater balance in my life and improve myself. This is an opportunity to learn to eat better, drink more water, sleep more and take better care of myself. I am learning to prioritize my life and focus on what is important to me. I will continue to learn to say "NO" without guilt and ask for help when needed. In addition, using the ability to work from home as an exercise in maintaining focus, prioritizing, organization.
I have received many messages from people who have been following my blog; telling me how I have inspired them. That's really nice and encouraging to hear but I really don't consider myself an inspiration. I have just been lucky. I haven't endured much suffering or discomfort and really don't feel I am doing anything extraordinary. Cancer treatments are not what they were even 10 years ago and the horrible side effects people hear about no longer exist. In addition, I have been able to work, maintain a quasi social life, have a very healthy appetite and stay pretty active. Someone who was in a horrible accident, paralyzed from the waist down who trains and competes in sports is an inspiration. I am not the only person who has, is or will be going through this. I have met some pretty amazing women who have been treated for breast cancer: They have all survived and come out the other end in great shape.
If anyone of you were told tomorrow that you have cancer, you would find a way to get through it. My security blanket is humour and coming from a stubborn stock.
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