Resolutions

New Years' Eve and Day has always been for me, as I am sure for many people, a time to reflect on the past year; remembering all the fun times and the lessons learned.  It is of course a time to look forward to the coming year and set goals.

My resolution in 2013 was to have more fun and experience new things.  I tried snowmobiling, archery and skiing for the first time.  I went to a hockey game, saw a few bands I loved in high school, had a girls night out in Montreal, partied in Orlando, experienced a real music festival, camped in a tent, made some new friends, focused on my art work plus many more fun memories

Being diagnosed with breast cancer wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted to experience new things, but it really has opened my eyes to so many things about myself and how blessed I truly am.

When I heard the phrase "you find the strength you never knew you had," I used to cringe.  It just sounded so lame and self help.  Now I kind of get it.  If you would have told me a year ago that I would have cancer, have surgery, chemo, more surgery, radiation plus another year of treatments; I would have said "No fucking way."  But here I am and plugging away.

The first few weeks were tough emotionally; as was sharing the news with family and friends, but I am surprised how quickly I have bounced back.  I have very few "bad days."  I can't change the fact I have cancer.  Crying or moping isn't going to help so I might as well get on with it.  As I tell myself "I really don't have time for this."

The support I have received from my family, friends; even people I hardly know has been overwhelming.  I can't say it enough times but the people in my life are truly amazing and any "courage" I have is a result of surrounding myself with incredible people.  Having cancer has strengthened some friendships, bonded me closer to my family and community, developed new friendships and allowed me to let go of others who were "unhealthy."

2014 will be my most challenging year.  The first 4-5 months will be physically difficult due to chemo and surgery but my treatments will continue into 2015. My primary resolution is to get through 2014, keeping the same mentality and physical endurance as I have now.

In addition, I want to use cancer as an opportunity to grow in 2014. My goal is to spend the year looking at ways I can create a greater balance in my life and improve myself.  This is an opportunity to learn to eat better, drink more water, sleep more and take better care of myself.  I am learning to prioritize my life and focus on what is important to me.  I will continue to learn to say "NO" without guilt and ask for help when needed.  In addition, using the ability to work from home as an exercise in maintaining focus, prioritizing, organization. 

I have received many messages from people who have been following my blog; telling me how I have inspired them.  That's really nice and encouraging to hear but I really don't consider myself an inspiration.  I have just been lucky.  I haven't endured much suffering or discomfort and really don't feel I am doing anything extraordinary.  Cancer treatments are not what they were even 10 years ago and the horrible side effects people hear about no longer exist.  In addition, I have been able to work, maintain a quasi social life, have a very healthy appetite and stay pretty active.  Someone who was in a horrible accident, paralyzed from the waist down who trains and competes in sports is an inspiration. I am not the only person who has, is or will be going through this.  I have met some pretty amazing women who have been treated for breast cancer: They have all survived and come out the other end in great shape.

If anyone of you were told tomorrow that you have cancer, you would find a way to get through it.  My security blanket is humour and coming from a stubborn stock.