Pixie Cuts

Today was the start of a very busy week.  A million and one things to do before I start chemo on Thursday.

I had a nice, quiet weekend away with my guy. There was no dog waking us up to go out or a cat walking across our heads.  It was a the perfect calm before the storm

Tonight was the big "chop chop:"  Number 8 on the clippers to be exact.  Last month I met a young hairstylist who collects and donates hair to Angel Hair.  A non profit organization that creates wigs for children.  Given the chances of my losing hair are very high and after learning that they don't have many natural blondes donating their hair, it was something I really wanted to do.

Its my practical side telling me "if you are likely going to lose your hair anyways, give it to someone who can use it"

Besides, less work for me in the morning even if I don't lose it.

I read somewhere that cutting your hair before treatments is called "Owning the Cancer."  Now whatever idiot coined that intelligent phrase should be shot.  Last time I checked no one wanted to "Own" cancer.  In fact if I could wrap it up, shove it in the mailbox with "Return To Sender" stamped across the front, I would be quite content.  I prefer to call tonight "doing what needs to be done to get you through to the next step."

Earlier today Kim, Meta and I attended "chemo school."  An education session to help prepare people for their treatments.  The class included a short PowerPoint presentation, a question/answer period with a nurse and a tour of the chemotherapy treatment area.  Now for whatever reason, the questions that concerned me the most, revolved around intimacy, wine and driving.  So likely the nurse thought I was a sex crazed alcoholic. I only ask the questions others are afraid to ask.   As I scanned the room, a few people caught my attention:

• The lady and her friend on the verge of going "pink ribbon"  Yes, you can tell those types
• A cute older couple who are taking things together in strides. They didn't ask too many questions
• An older gentleman with his daughter and she isn't taking things very well.  She is trying to control a situation she has absolutely no control over
• An older woman who lives alone with her cat.  I got the feeling she doesn't have a good support network and wonder how she copes

Then I spied a woman about my age as we were having a tour of the facility.  She commented that she needed to cut her hair.  I told her I was cutting mine tonight and asked her when she was starting treatments. Her voice cracked when she said "tomorrow."  I just gave her a hug.  I will likely be reacting the same way on Wednesday.  I realized thisis the first point I have interacted with people who ARE BEGINNING to go through this, not HAVE BEEN. 

Leaving the hospital, Kim wouldn't let me stand near her at the parking machine for fear I will yell at her.  Somehow, I have evolved into the Parking Machine Gestapo.  No one wants me around when they pay for parking

You Just Pick Yourself Back Up and Brush Off the Dust

I was going to start off this entry with an apology for last night’s update being a bit depressing but I’m not going to because everyone is allowed to have good and bad days and yesterday was a bad day for me.   Last night I was not in my happy place and that is ok...I am allowed.

Yesterday, I was smacked right across the face with a lot of information.  We were not persistent in asking the oncologist and nurse to slow down and explain things clearly until we understood.  We should have resisted when we were told to put down the pencils and listen to what she had to say, because we were going to receive handouts.  They were at least 30 minutes behind schedule and it was over lunch time so likely both professionals were hungry.  Finally, because I felt that HER2 was not explained properly, I had to Google it which is never a good thing

Lesson learned and I won’t let it happen again

I understand they have lots of patients to see but the only one I care about right now is me and I need to express that each time.

From now on, I will also carry snacks for my health care team, in case they don’t have time to eat beforehand. 

 Today’s appointment went much smoother.  The nurse took the time to explain everything, we didn’t grasp yesterday and the Resident was equally as clear with his information.  My Radiation Oncologist (Rad Oc.) is a wonderful man with a thick Parisian accent, who reminds me a wee bit of Daniel Craig and I feel the need to bring cheese and wine to our next meeting.

 Everything I Googled last night was correct last night but stats show it has a 20% chance of recurring anywhere in the body, over the next 10 years and 80-85% rate of survival.  Now I also have chances of getting hit by a bus, shot or struck by lightning and I don’t lose sleep over that at nights.  All I need to know right now is that testing positive for the HER2 Receptor, determines the type of treatment I receive.

I feel confident in not moving forward with a second surgery to remove the lymph nodes.  Studies show there is no difference in the outcome; between surgery or the treatment I receive.

6 weeks of radiation treatment will follow chemotherapy and it will target breast, arm pit and collarbone area.

The other tidbit of information I just found out was that ;Yes, it may occur in 20-25% of all breast cancer patients but the HER2 + is  common for women my age…Not a high number of Pre-menopausal women get breast cancer in the first place. I going to guess that is part of the reason why it sits around 25%

My spidey senses tell me that treatments will start on the 21^st or 22^nd.  I will likely be another puddle at least one more time between now and then.  But I am ok, you can’t keep me down for long.

On a side note; I almost became one of those annoying people at the parking pay machine yesterday.  I left so bewildered that I left without stopping at the pay machine.  I am so hell bent at NOT being one of those people; I ran inside quickly.  As the two morons, in front of me took their step back, with their arms out looking for divine intervention as to where they insert payment; I quickly scanned the machine for “insert card, insert payment, press here for receipts” and got out in record time.