Tribute to a Vixen

Unexpected bad news always seems to come at the strangest times….Well, is there ever a good time for bad news?

Last night, the eve before Okotberfest (my favorite holiday after Christmas) as I was getting ready for bed, I received an email from one of the Vixens.   T, another vixen I had mentioned in a May post had passed away.  It felt like someone dropped a brick on my chest. 

I only met her once.  It was on the day of my last chemo as I was leaving the hospital.  She was finishing radiation and my first impression was that she had a vibrant personality.  I also had a small streak of envy because she was closer to being finished treatment than I and would be moving on with her life, with what we expected, cancer being behind her.

She was close to my friend P and I heard so many good things about her through P.  The two girls were excellent support for one another.  It warmed my heart to hear about them going wig shopping or fitness classes together.  I have been extremely public about everything and continuously grateful of the support I am showered with.  So when someone is a little more private about her tour, like P; I worry.  It’s what I do best…unnecessarily worry (although I am working on it)  Knowing she had someone to confide in, made me feel better.

There was a selfish component again upon hearing the news and as I explained to someone this morning – There is an initial shock and sadness directed towards T and the family she leaves behind.  Then there is an incredible sadness for my friend P.  I cannot imagine how I would take the news of losing one of my kindred spirits that I have become close friends with during the tour.  Then those bastard “what ifs” kick in again....  What if it was one of my close friends?  What if I am next on the list?

In May when I learned that her cancer had returned, it affected me for days.  Although my heart still feels pretty heavy this morning, I am not going to let it be about me.  Everyone is different and cancer affects all of us differently.  I didn't know her but she obviously has made an impact on my life that I want to share.

This post is NOT going to be about me but a tribute to a fellow vixen....Right Now

T was a wife, a mother, a daughter, a relative, a friend, a colleague, a neighbor and a vixen!  She made an impact on people’s lives and provided support to fellow vixens.  The news of her leaving this world comes at the start of Breast Cancer Awareness month.  And cancer, no matter what kind it is, is a fucking bitch.  They day she learned that she had cancer, was the day she became a fighter....a soldier....a vixen.

Her passing is a reminder not only for women to have regular screening of their breasts or for anyone to have their health checked regularly; it is a reminder to live life to its fullest.  She was taken away from her loved ones too soon.  I hope they find some solace in believing that her spirit is now everywhere, around them. She will always be there when her children go to sleep at night, she will always be there looking over the shoulders of her friends.  Her arms will always be around the people she loved.

T is a reminder to take nothing for granted. 

Tell your family and friends that you love them

Don’t waste time on negativity, drama or bullshit

Focus on the positive

Find a purpose in everything

See the cup as half full

Look at the world with the same awe and wonder as a child

T is a reminder that every day is a gift